DEATH OF CINEMA

REMAKES:  

THE DEATH OF CINEMA

Remakes have become the death of Cinema. And here’s why.

MINDLESS REMAKES 

Despite public outcry, the 1980s Terry Gilliam classic Time Bandits is the latest to fall under the stream-roller of executive plumbing. 

Gone are all the unpalatable un-PC bits that we all loved. Thus no more Dwarfs because that’s racist.

The reason they plough ahead with such stupid remakes, regardless of civil unrest is because they do the number-crunching and come out with an absurd profit margin.

Remakes typically do this. Its far more economical to do a remake and let it fail, rather than go to all the trouble of an original idea and having to spend tons of money promoting it.

We all loved Schwarzenegger in Total Recall. But who the hell remembers the remake? And more to the point, what the hell was the point of making it?

It’s a no brainer. Even if the film flops, at least the suits didn’t lose out on too much money. And its always floggable in some format or other. 

But it also shows how desperate Hollywood has become.

The remake has become the norm. If George Lucas tried to get Star Wars made today, it would likely never happen. It very nearly didn't happen back in 1976.

Ironically Star Wars opened the floodgates for quirky films to get made. Including Time Bandits. 

And the reason it almost got cancelled was due to studio interference, from the cleaners who kept cleaning all the sets, to the head of the lighting department who kept telling george off about his lighting choices. 

Even the actors vetoed the film. And why? Because Star Wars wasn’t the norm.

Nobody had ever heard of it before. Nobody gave a shit. 

CATCH 22 TRENDING 

We follow trends. Its as simple as that. What everyone wanted in the 1970s was gritty cop thrillers. Dirty Harry, Serpico, The French Connection.

So it was kinda a Catch 22 trending situation to get an original idea to work. 

In order for an original idea to float, there has to be a wave of other original ideas floating about as well, that have made some profit.

Sooner or later, somebody has to near dam kill themselves just to push that boundary. And Lucas became very ill due to all the stress, trying to get Star Wars made.

Ultimately it’s all about the funding. To break free of the remake cycle, film makers still need money, they need studio backing, but also be free of executive interference, and be somewhat of a thick-skinned maverick.

Like Lucas, Terry Gilliam had his fair share of studio interference and stressful film making experiences. His first attempt at making Don Quixote (with Jonny Depp) was eventually abandoned after the film set was washed away in a rain storm. It would take him like 17 years to finally get that movie made.

EXTORTIONATE PRICES 

To be honest, Cinemas are no longer places of engagement. Unlike traditional theatre, (where there is at least a intermission and bar and thus discussion about the arts), a cinema has become a fast-food joint, with patrons coerced into buying over-priced food and beverages to justify the (lack of) a cinema experience. 

I once bought a bag of mixed penny sweets at a cinema. It cost FIVE POUNDS. Which is insane. I had the staff member weigh each sweet, which worked out 20pence a sweet. Jesus.  They're supposed to be penny sweets! 

Dont get me started with the drinks. 

Then another time we saw a film and it was actually out of focus for the entire two hour movie. 

NO INTERMISSIONS 

Plus theres no breaks! No intermission. You are literally stuck in that room for whatever the length of the film.  If the movie is ten hours long. Tough luck buddy. You gotta sit thru it, to the bitter end. 

Case in point was sitting thru a good three hours of Avatar 2, in the worlds most uncomfortable cinema seats. I then complained to the staff. They shrugged and didn't care. 

I told them to put all the adds in the middle of the movie. And call it something like I dunno an "INTERMISSION" maybe? I doubt they'll take that advice on. 

Thus cinemas are dying off.  The fast-food mentality isnt helping. 

ONLINE STREAMING 

Now its all online. Why bother paying to see a movie in a cinema? When you can sit in the comfort of your own home, in your jim-jams, in your fave comfy sofa with a ton of cheap-ass snacks and drinks?  

Thus the days of cinema are extremely numbered. Hosting plafforms such as Netflix and Disney will eventually supersede the cinema altogether. 

Which might actually encourage original film-making but all at a price.

And that price is the death of community cinema. A place where people went out on dates and friends met and talked about the movie afterwards.

AI MOVIES 

Anyone with a half-decent computer and software can make a movie these days. Better still, if you use things like Mid-Journey AI, you can basically use prompts and the computer will make the film for you. 

If you've seen the short AI clips on offer already, you'll know that the quality of most is exquisite and also quite worrying. 

Its only a matter of time before a fully articulate AI movie is made by a bunch of ten year olds in their bedrooms. And bye-bye Hollywood. 

CELLS WITHIN CELLS 

The line between reality and fiction is getting so blurred that I doubt anyone can really tell the difference anymore. 

Is that really Trump on Tv or is that AI?  This is danger. 

So this is what passes for the cinema experience today. 

Now we’ve become compartmentalised. Put into boxes. Staring at boxes. Cells within cells. 

Perhaps one day we really will be living in the Matrix. But by then, I guess we wont even care.