THE DYING ART OF CINEMA

 THE DYING ART OF CINEMA 

In the wake of Martin Scorsese defending running times for films like his “Killers of the Flower Moon,” its just my humble opinion, that Cinema is quickly becoming a dying art.  

Heres why: 

TOO DAM EXPENSIVE 

I mean, you have to get there, usually by car or bus or train. If you've arrived in style, you still need to pay for parking tickets. Then you have to buy nibbles. I mean, you're gonna be stuck in there for quite a while, so snacks are a must. But then the nibbles cost like a small fortune. A choc-ice is like a fiver. A bag of crisps is like three quid. And the drinks require a small mortgage. 

And thats before you've even gotten inside the cinema. Now you've spent the better part of ten or twenty quid just on a few drinks and snacks and they don't even taste that good. Factor in your actual cinema tickets and you're pretty much broke until pay day. 

FORCES CUSTOMERS INTO CRIME 

I've often gotten around the food issue in the past, by just smuggling in my own snacks and drinks. I guess a lot of folks do. Its a no brainer when you can simply buy snacks in the corner shop for a few quid, as opposed to the extortionate prices of a cinema. Then all you need to cover is travel and the cinema tickets. Its a workable compromise but some cinemas have been known to search customers bags and even eject them from the theatre. So its a risk. But why bother? 

ZERO DISABILITY ACCESS 

So much for dating. Paying for your sweetheart might break the bank. And forget family outings with the kids. Unless you can afford to buy the cinema itself, forget it. Its just too much headache. And if you're disabled in any way, well thats just your own bloody fault isn't it? We cant very well turn the cinema upside down just because your in a wheelchair for fuksakes. Now kindly go away and die somewhere, so we can rake in all this money. 

LACK OF 3D VIEWINGS 

The last time I went to see a big budget movie I will never forget. It was Avatar 2 in 3D. Plus it was the only cinema in the area that was still screening it in 3D, so it was real mission just to get there by car, that entailed an arduous 45 minute journey. In fact, you'd be hard pushed to find anywhere that screens 3D movies, as they were cinematically intended.

UNCOMFORTABLE SEATS

The cinema itself was part of a multi-complex. So you'd expect more. The seats were old rickety theatre styled ones: narrow, no leg room, nowhere to put your coat and stuff. I ended up with all my gear piled on my lap, like I was on a friken subway train! Of course I smuggled in a months worth of food. That was the only plus. But the rest was sheer torture.

NO INTERMISSIONS 

Avatar 2 was like 3hrs and 12 minutes, not counting half an hour of adverts and trailers. After one hour, my butt was so numb I just wanted to go home and after three hours I was almost climbing the walls.

The film itself was brilliant but ruined by the so called 'cinematic experience' - so I had a good moan at the staff about it afterwards. But they were like yeah whatever and argued that if they had an intermission, then the films would run over time !?!

Jesus. Just put all the adds in the intermission!! SIMPLES! Then everyone (with the muller to burn), can go buy more popcorn, choc ices and beer and maybe even talk about the movie so far. The rest of us will settle for cigarette breaks.

CORPORATE DEMOGRAPHICS

So why don't they just bring back intermissions? Because its all down to money and advertising. They want you to sit thru endless dumb-ass adverts and trailers because some suit in Hollywood (with a demographic vertically integrated wall chart, the size of three tennis courts) has insisted on it.

They know dam well, that if they put all the adds etc in a intermission, nobody would watch them. And they got sponsors breathing down their necks. But then the cinema needs customers buying food and beverages. Thats their bread and butter. Not the movie. They make very little from the film. All that goes back into the pocket of Hollywood. So on one hand an intermission benefits the cinema and customers but it doesn't necessarily benefit Hollywood.

That said, all the leaver pullers need to sit down and work this out. Intermissions are an invaluable part of cinema culture. And it could be argued that many films have flopped simply because the films were too long and the customers weren't allowed a break.

ONLINE STREAMING

But in the end, Netflix and online streaming will kill off the cinemas once and for all and they've only got themselves to blame.

You might as well bit torrent and download said movies and watch them on your laptop in the comfort of your hovel. But what about that cinematic experience? Yeah well, so what?

I first saw Fury Road as a bit torrent download before it even hit the cinemas. Admittedly it was probably not as good seeing it on a laptop but then again I didn't have no assholes talking behind me or kicking my seat. I didn't have to travel halfway across the country, only to get a parking ticket. Plus it was FREE. 

Of course, I would have rather seen that movie as it was intended to be - in the cinema. But cinemas aint what they used to be. 

Ultimately with all the hassle it is just to go and see a movie these days, most folks would rather just stay at home and stream, which is kinda tragic.

It just means less people going out on dates and socialising in general. But I guess its a case of Frankly my dear, I don't give a dam.