THE FERMI PARADOX

 

THE FERMI PARADOX : 

ARE WE REALLY ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE ? 

The Fermi Paradox refers to nuclear physicist Enrico Fermi, who postulated that we should have been contacted by aliens by now. And yet in the vastness of our galaxy and the likely hood of alien life, we have apparently seen zilch. Ergo. We are alone. End of story. Whats on Netflix? 

But one mans humble opinion cant sway everyone right? 

ZOO HYPOTHESIS 

Carl Sagen would have lost his cool with Fermi's paradox for sure. After all, it has more plot holes in it than Swiss cheese. 

And he wasn't the only one. Russian astronautics pioneer Konstantin Tsiolkovsky,  Neil deGrasse Tyson writer Arthur C Clarke, (even Gene Roddenbury of Star Trek) to name but a few, all agreed that the most likely reason we have not been visited by ET is because of the whole Zoo Hypotheses 

They're just waiting patiently for us to put our pointy sticks and hatreds aside. Only when mankind has learned to love one another will they decide to make contact. Or something like that. But that could take thousands of years. Or never. 

Also, we need to prove we can travel faster than light. Just like in Star Trek, the aliens might consider us beneath them if we haven't quite cracked interstellar travel. And only at that point will they possibly step in and guide us among the stars. 

Alternately they might just observe us from afar and single out certain individuals or governments when they felt the time was right. 

THEY'RE EXPERIMENTING ON US 

Former MIT Haystack Observatory scientist John Allen Ball went one step further and speculated on a laboratory hypotheses, where the aliens are using us as guinea-pigs to their own devious ends, treating the whole planet as a giant vivarium for study and experimentation. 

There seems to be a lot of traction with this thought, considering the amount of so called alien abductions that have occurred over the years. In which average everyday folk stated aliens had taken them to their space ships and probed them in every conceivable orifice. 

THEY JUST HAVEN'T NOTICED US YET 

It is quite possible that our Galaxy is teaming with intelligent life but being so utterly vast, it could be that any major governing aliens simply haven't seen us. Thus we're just a twinkle in the night sky and simply overlooked. 

After all, Space is big. I mean really big. Its also REALLY DARK. At best, we're just a blinking light in the sky to them and by the time our planet comes into view, it might already be hidden in the darkness of our own night time. 

If anything, the major space players would have mapped out our galaxy with only so much accuracy and probably only bother with other space-faring civilisations on an equal par with their own. 

JUST NOT WORTH THE SPACE FUEL 

They might just consider our star system pretty scarce of life anyway. I mean, at a glance, our sun has ten or so planets, which to them might be so much fuzz around a light bulb, shot out of a cannon and really worth investigating. 

Even if they do suspect our existence,  if you've seen one bi-ped, then you've seem them all. I mean, do you jump out of your car every time you see a fox or a squirrel? 

Plus the amount of fuel just to come check us out, might be pricey. Even if they have conquered interstellar travel, they'd have to be pretty desperate to come check us out in the back waters of the Milky Way suburbs. 

GOVERNMENT COVER-UP

A recent inquest into the UFO phenomenon descended into more bickering and scepticism. Simply because no hard evidence has surfaced, fuelling believers that governments are actually covering up the facts about extra-terrestrial life. 

And even if we have made first contact, our ruling governments would never admit it, because that would take away their power right? 

They would wana keep it all hush, to maintain the edge on new technologies and trade. Otherwise we'd all be investing heavily in space-tech and trading with other worlds. Think about it. The super powers would implode. 

A NEW ERA OF INTER-GALACTIC TRADE

The minute news broke of any country making First Contact, it would change EVERYTHING.  

Folks would be like: "Why the fuck am I stuck on this dumb ball? When I could be drinking Pina Coladas on some other exotic (and warm) planet, where they don't bomb the shit out of each other every day?"  

Screw Elon Musk. Competing companies would begin hiring any and EVERYONE, if it meant accessible trade with another world. What corporation wouldn't, once communication with other worlds had been established. After all, everyone wants something right? Even Aliens. 

You'd see a boom in the most unlikely places. Imagine McDonalds investing in the space program? Just to sell McDonalds Cheeseburgers to other worlds? 

The aliens might be partial to dog food. Imagine the boom in trade! They might love Kittens as pets or collect Antique furniture. Imagine intergalactic carboot sales.  

On a more darker note, they might be sex-obsessed maniacs wanting our women and children. Worst still, they might even take over the Earth.  But thems the breaks. After all. The aliens cant be much worse than our own race. To say we have lived without death and atrocity denies the reality that aliens might be just as bad (or good) as us. 

FEAR OF INVASION 

Writer HG Wells explored the possibility of alien invasion in his 1898 Novel The War Of the Worlds in which invading Martians land in England and quickly overpower us with heat rays, alien mustard gas and bio-mechanoid tripod war machines. 

But Wells saw it not so much as a cautionary tale of alien interference but more of a lesson in British Colonialism, under which a great portion of our world had succumbed to and not necessarily enjoyed the fruits of either. 

His invading Martians were a metaphor for colonial greed and his book, a finger wagging exercise on how would you like it done to you? 

After all, between 1578 and 1945, the British Empire had subjugated much of planet Earth. That might sound like a sci-fi novel in itself but it was true. 

This of course lead to countless wars, slavery and endless religious debacle. In the wake of the Second World War and the Axis Powers defeated, the USA emerged top dog and took on the mantle of a world dominant super power, second only to Russia. But since then, the legacy of colonialism and endless war has left its indelible mark on our world.  

WE'RE JUST TOO VIOLENT, SORRY  

Our list of atrocities reads like a 1980's phone book. Any intelligent peace-loving alien with access to our internet would give us a pass. 

The situation within the present Israeli–Palestinian conflict, coupled with the war in the Ukraine could quite easily spill us over into yet another world war. And in a nutshell, behind all the mysticism, false gods and spin, these hostilities stem from simple greed, for more land and resources. 

So, looking at this pale blue dot from afar, using technologies greater than our own, I think ole ET would give us a wide berth. 

Either way, we're way too dangerous to be considered 'civilised' by intelligent space faring aliens. Imagine Hamas (or any us) getting hold of advanced alien weapons? Its bad enough that we have nukes.

WE'RE JUST ASSHOLES 

Thus considering we're barely out of the stone age, verging on World War III, how would any sane alien tackle the whole First Contact thing anyway? Land and say hi? No way! They'd be avoiding us, like a dodgy part of town, where theres lots of crime. 

And who's to say they didn't land already and faced a welcoming committee straight out of a horror movie like Hostel? 

It happens all the time with back-packers right? Kids go off on a country-jaunt and end up as someones lab rat experiment. Would our governments be any different? 

Fuck these assholes. I'm outta here. 

ARE WE REALLY ALL ALONE? 

All we really know is that our governments have not been terribly forthcoming with the general public regarding UFO's and life on other planets, creating conspiracy theories on what is behind their motives.  

But if true, their reasons are as stated above, to hog information, technology and keep us all working in dumb-ass jobs 9 to 5 and 24/7. Or simply because they fear invasion.  

In any event, it boils down to two very simple outcomes. There are aliens or we are totally alone. And Im sure someone said that the possibility of either, is equally terrifying. 

THOSE DAMN ENCHILADAS: FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 5

THOSE DAMN ENCHILADAS

FRIDAY THE 13th PART 5 

WHAT WENT WRONG? 

Friday the 13th Part 5: A new Beginning.  What the hell happened?  

It was like this sequel took a massive u-turn and like Halloween 3, essentially cheated the audience with smoke and mirrors by denying us the promise of the premise. 

Back in the days of VHS, my introduction to the Friday universe, was  Part 6: Jason Lives which really blew me away. Excited by the realisation that there were FIVE  previous Friday the 13th movies out there, I got a watchin, culminating with Part 5.  But it became a strange journey of evolution, as the film producers struggled to keep up with the ever changing cinematic landscape.  

PRE-ZOMBIE JASON 

After seeing part six, I was hungry for more zombie Jason. But this was still early days, part 7 The new Blood was still in production. Meanwhile, I began ploughing thru the previous five Friday the 13th sequels waiting for Jason to turn full zombie. It was a bit of chore I must admit.  

I guess it was because these sequels seemed so different to Jason Lives in terms of style and pacing and the humour was pretty scarce. That and the fact Jason was still essentially human. 

He was like some mongoloid kid who lost the plot. It felt pretty weird. Meanwhile Jasons not getting any more zombie like and if anything sequels 2, 3 and 4 are like  Sloth  from The Goonies had gone on a killer rampage. 

So it took me a while to get into them. 

However,  part four featured a young Tommy Jarvis (played by Corey Feldman) and this movie in particular, gave me hope, that events would finally lead to part six and thus got me hot for more Friday the 13th, under the vague promise of seeing some pre Jason Lives killer zombie action. 

IT WAS ONLY A DREAM

So I was rather looking forward to seeing Part 5: A New Beginning and seeing Jason finally in killer zombie mode.  And for the first few opening minutes I wasn't disappointed. Corey Feldman was back blundering around in the woods, witnessing a couple of country yokel hicks dig up Jasons grave. I'm like wow this is awsum. Sheeting rain, thunder and Corey. Its great.  

Jason comes to life and he looks suitably gross. He kills the yokels and climbs out of his grave, looming over the young terrified boy, brandishing his trademark machete. Its all fantastic stuff. Then pffffff.

It was just a stupid dream folks. Cut to several years later and Coreys out the picture entirely along with Zombie Jason. Then it just sorta meandered around that clinic with fake jason hiding in the shadows, picking kids off one by one. Sorry? What? Is that it?   

I then had to sit thru lots of stupid recycled creepy POV's of couples canoodling to sinister music, shots of fake Jasons feet / hands and  Its like jesus, come on! We've had like three sequels of this already, we know what the guy looks like ok?   

Ironically, those dream bits (with real Jason) were the best bits of this entire movie. And maybe that should have been the film? After all, thats what the public really wanted. 

DAM ENCHILADAS

Thats right, its them damn enchiladas from here on in. 

In fact, I kinda liked the enchiladas scene, its upbeat and the actors did a great job. Besides the dream sequence, its really the only other memorable scene. So much so, that they even sold those dam enchiladas as Friday The 13th merchandise. Apparently. 

TOO MUCH LIKE A PORNO 

Warning this movie contains tits. LOTS.  I've never seen so many. Is this a horror film or a porno? The lines really got blurred.  It was like watching Porky's. Not that I'm averse to that. But if I wanted to watch a porno, I would have hired out Debbie Does Dallas. 

If memory serves, the films director specialised in porn, so no surprise there.  Bring it on baby. 

SCOOBY DOO ENDING 

Worst still, Part 5 runs pretty much like a Scooby doo caper. And we all know that none of the supernatural monsters in Scooby were ever real. They were just unscrupulous penny-pinching con-artists wearing monster masks. The Scooby gang always got the bad guys arrested, and they invariably always removed a mask to reveal the skulking criminal beneath. So the end of part 5 kinda sucked for this reason.  

The paramedic was Jason all along kids!  In a way, I was kinda relieved. Because it meant that the real Jason was still rotting in a grave since Part four and would finally come back in part six.  Which meant that A New Beginning was a waste of my time basically. I kinda felt cheated.  

DEVOLUTION 

Yep this film is a little undercooked.  It hadn't evolved, in the way its predecessors had. 

It just repeated movies 1-4, added some porn shots, enchiladas and went off the rails.  In fact, if anything, it had devolved.  

At least in parts 1-4 we see a clear line of evolution with the character. Its not Shakespeare or anything, but as the viewer we get a sense of his roots, starting with his drowning in Chrystal Lake, his vengeful mother and culminating in Jason picking up the family heirloom machete so to speak. 

SUPERNATURAL MONSTERS 

But by the mid-80's, fickle tastes quickly got bored of slasher content, audiences wanted more. The whole crazy guy in a mask theme, was getting old. In the wake of "A nightmare on Elm St", audiences now lent more towards the supernatural. They wanted something along the lines of the old universal horror movies but without the cheese. 

They wanted Leather-Face and Freddy, Chucky and Candy Man. So Jason had to tow the line. 

If the Friday the 13th franchise had any future, it would inevitably have to adapt with the times. Its main star, Jason had to go full zombie, sooner or later. So imagine my frustration when I had to sit thru five sequels waiting for this to magically happen. 

Part one didn't even have Jason, his mother did all the killing. Part two he ran around with a sack cloth on his head. Part three, we start to see the iconic hockey Mask introduced and by part four (the supposed final chapter) I was finally starting to see a pattern. Jason was evolving. 

MONSTER PROGENITOR 

And what kick-started this slasher trend? Why Halloween of course. But the genius of that film is that the killer (Michael Myers) wasn’t just some hack in a mask.

He was compelled by evil forces, making him invincible. Which is why that character was so intriguing.

Friday the 13th Part 5 however, didn't say anything new. But its dream sequences are what its best remembered for (that and them damn enchiladas). And that’s what the film should have been (no not them damn enchiladas) but Zombie Jason rising from the grave and creating merry hell. 

Hence, I think this is the reason "Part 6: Jason Lives" became so popular because Jason had finally evolved into a unstoppable zombie, joining that unholy congregation of progenitors featuring Freddy Kruger and Michael Myers.

 As for part five, you can keep them damn enchiladas. 

THE DYING ART OF CINEMA

 THE DYING ART OF CINEMA 

In the wake of Martin Scorsese defending running times for films like his “Killers of the Flower Moon,” its just my humble opinion, that Cinema is quickly becoming a dying art.  

Heres why: 

TOO DAM EXPENSIVE 

I mean, you have to get there, usually by car or bus or train. If you've arrived in style, you still need to pay for parking tickets. Then you have to buy nibbles. I mean, you're gonna be stuck in there for quite a while, so snacks are a must. But then the nibbles cost like a small fortune. A choc-ice is like a fiver. A bag of crisps is like three quid. And the drinks require a small mortgage. 

And thats before you've even gotten inside the cinema. Now you've spent the better part of ten or twenty quid just on a few drinks and snacks and they don't even taste that good. Factor in your actual cinema tickets and you're pretty much broke until pay day. 

FORCES CUSTOMERS INTO CRIME 

I've often gotten around the food issue in the past, by just smuggling in my own snacks and drinks. I guess a lot of folks do. Its a no brainer when you can simply buy snacks in the corner shop for a few quid, as opposed to the extortionate prices of a cinema. Then all you need to cover is travel and the cinema tickets. Its a workable compromise but some cinemas have been known to search customers bags and even eject them from the theatre. So its a risk. But why bother? 

ZERO DISABILITY ACCESS 

So much for dating. Paying for your sweetheart might break the bank. And forget family outings with the kids. Unless you can afford to buy the cinema itself, forget it. Its just too much headache. And if you're disabled in any way, well thats just your own bloody fault isn't it? We cant very well turn the cinema upside down just because your in a wheelchair for fuksakes. Now kindly go away and die somewhere, so we can rake in all this money. 

LACK OF 3D VIEWINGS 

The last time I went to see a big budget movie I will never forget. It was Avatar 2 in 3D. Plus it was the only cinema in the area that was still screening it in 3D, so it was real mission just to get there by car, that entailed an arduous 45 minute journey. In fact, you'd be hard pushed to find anywhere that screens 3D movies, as they were cinematically intended.

UNCOMFORTABLE SEATS

The cinema itself was part of a multi-complex. So you'd expect more. The seats were old rickety theatre styled ones: narrow, no leg room, nowhere to put your coat and stuff. I ended up with all my gear piled on my lap, like I was on a friken subway train! Of course I smuggled in a months worth of food. That was the only plus. But the rest was sheer torture.

NO INTERMISSIONS 

Avatar 2 was like 3hrs and 12 minutes, not counting half an hour of adverts and trailers. After one hour, my butt was so numb I just wanted to go home and after three hours I was almost climbing the walls.

The film itself was brilliant but ruined by the so called 'cinematic experience' - so I had a good moan at the staff about it afterwards. But they were like yeah whatever and argued that if they had an intermission, then the films would run over time !?!

Jesus. Just put all the adds in the intermission!! SIMPLES! Then everyone (with the muller to burn), can go buy more popcorn, choc ices and beer and maybe even talk about the movie so far. The rest of us will settle for cigarette breaks.

CORPORATE DEMOGRAPHICS

So why don't they just bring back intermissions? Because its all down to money and advertising. They want you to sit thru endless dumb-ass adverts and trailers because some suit in Hollywood (with a demographic vertically integrated wall chart, the size of three tennis courts) has insisted on it.

They know dam well, that if they put all the adds etc in a intermission, nobody would watch them. And they got sponsors breathing down their necks. But then the cinema needs customers buying food and beverages. Thats their bread and butter. Not the movie. They make very little from the film. All that goes back into the pocket of Hollywood. So on one hand an intermission benefits the cinema and customers but it doesn't necessarily benefit Hollywood.

That said, all the leaver pullers need to sit down and work this out. Intermissions are an invaluable part of cinema culture. And it could be argued that many films have flopped simply because the films were too long and the customers weren't allowed a break.

ONLINE STREAMING

But in the end, Netflix and online streaming will kill off the cinemas once and for all and they've only got themselves to blame.

You might as well bit torrent and download said movies and watch them on your laptop in the comfort of your hovel. But what about that cinematic experience? Yeah well, so what?

I first saw Fury Road as a bit torrent download before it even hit the cinemas. Admittedly it was probably not as good seeing it on a laptop but then again I didn't have no assholes talking behind me or kicking my seat. I didn't have to travel halfway across the country, only to get a parking ticket. Plus it was FREE. 

Of course, I would have rather seen that movie as it was intended to be - in the cinema. But cinemas aint what they used to be. 

Ultimately with all the hassle it is just to go and see a movie these days, most folks would rather just stay at home and stream, which is kinda tragic.

It just means less people going out on dates and socialising in general. But I guess its a case of Frankly my dear, I don't give a dam.