AWSUM TOYS: Chewbacca

AWSUM TOYS: 

Chewbacca 

When I was a kid I used to make my own toys. I loved my home made cardboard Millennium Falcon. It was roughly the right shape but rather flat and cardboard brown looking, with Lego blocks for landing gear, it had all the interior sets all badly reproduced in cardboard and cello tape with the surface details all done in biro. Nobody else knew what it was but I didn’t care, after a good pew-pew session with my two storm troopers, Captain Han Solo and Chewbacca would dash up the cardboard ramp, run along the access corridor to the cockpit, put the neccessariums into the navi-computer and with a swoosh off into hyperspace, they would escape the Death Star .

Then my brother sat on it and killed my Falcon dead. In desperation Father Xmas got me a proper one (like in the picture) and I was on planet wow. However, after ten minutes I became increasingly disheartened by the fact that there was no access from the back compartment (where they'll all playing space chess) to the ships cockpit. There should be a access tunnel that joins the two right ? 

 The Kenner Millenium Falcon with internal compartments 

 Closer look at interior reveals no access to the Falcons cockpit !

So there we were, on the Death Star (also made of cardboard) and Han and Chewy are making their way up the access ramp – giving my (now) three storm troopers a good pew-pew ( I had to pretend there was a whole army here), so they get inside, raise the ramp and wollup ! Straight into a wall of plastic and card. What the frack? How the hell were they supposed to fly the dam thing? Was he really gona scamper over the roof and open the cockpit canopy ? 

There wasn’t even a goddam ladder !  

   Near traumatised I thought , maybe I could cut a hole but decided against it as I'de only muck it up and besides, it would probably get me in the shit with Father Xmas. The situation was hopeless. As a result Han and Chewy were incarcerated and put into carbonite ( lego blocks, water and my mothers freezer). That day I was no longer a child and learned that the world is a cruel place. I felt like writing a strong letter to the Kenner toy company. But I’de just seen JFK and knew these guys were big fish and not to be messed with. One day I thought, these corporate crooks will eat their own plastic. I’m still waiting…

Hey Chewy how the hell do I get to the bathroom from here?

jaysonscottadams@hotmail.co.uk