AWSUM TOYS:
Chewbacca
When I was a kid
I used to make my own toys. I loved my home made cardboard Millennium Falcon.
It was roughly the right shape but rather flat and cardboard brown looking, with
Lego blocks for landing gear, it had all the interior sets all badly reproduced
in cardboard and cello tape with the surface details all done in biro. Nobody
else knew what it was but I didn’t care, after a good pew-pew session with my
two storm troopers, Captain Han Solo and Chewbacca would dash up the cardboard
ramp, run along the access corridor to the cockpit, put the neccessariums into
the navi-computer and with a swoosh off into hyperspace, they would escape the Death Star .
Then my brother sat on it and killed my Falcon dead.
In desperation Father Xmas got me a proper one (like in the picture) and I was
on planet wow. However, after ten minutes I became increasingly disheartened by
the fact that there was no access from the back compartment (where they'll all
playing space chess) to the ships cockpit. There should be a access tunnel that
joins the two right ? 
The Kenner Millenium Falcon with internal compartments
Closer look at interior reveals no access to the Falcons cockpit !
So there we were, on the Death Star (also made of
cardboard) and Han and Chewy are making their way up the access ramp – giving
my (now) three storm troopers a good pew-pew ( I had to pretend there was a
whole army here), so they get inside, raise the ramp and wollup ! Straight into
a wall of plastic and card. What the frack? How the hell were they supposed to
fly the dam thing? Was he really gona scamper over the roof and open the
cockpit canopy ?
There wasn’t even a goddam ladder !
Near traumatised I thought , maybe I could
cut a hole but decided against it as I'de only muck it up and besides, it would
probably get me in the shit with Father Xmas. The situation was hopeless. As a
result Han and Chewy were incarcerated and put into carbonite ( lego blocks,
water and my mothers freezer). That day I was no longer a child and learned
that the world is a cruel place. I felt like writing a strong letter to the
Kenner toy company. But I’de just seen JFK and knew these guys were big fish
and not to be messed with. One day I thought, these corporate crooks will eat
their own plastic. I’m still waiting…
Hey Chewy how the hell do I get to the bathroom from here?
jaysonscottadams@hotmail.co.uk
