2001: A Space Odyssey

 

Remembering

2001: A Space Odyssey

I think I must have first seen this film on late night TV when I was like 7 years old. Compared to Star Wars it was dreadfully sssslow and the plot felt confusing and discordant.

But wait - isn't that Leonard Rossiter straight out of Rising Damp?

So I stuck with it, even tho the ending made no sense.

Years later at School our English teacher showed the film to our class, none of which had seen it before or understood it. So at least I had one up on them.

I can say that with confidence because those kids had never watched a sci-fi film in their lives. You could tell just by looking at their gaping mouths and confused looks. Like their mothers had just turned up dressed as sexy Jabba Slave girls.

Up until that point it was all about foot ball, football and more football. I was like the class geek because I knew all about this movie.

So we're deep in The Dawn of Man and we finally get to the Monolith scene and all the monkeys are freaking out to the discordant polyphonic sounds of Ligeti's 'Requiem' .

The class are horrified.

'Whats that funny singing all about miss?' Asks one snotty nose kid. Good point. What is all that singing about? I kind of know the answer already but I cant articulate it.

'Its to show the monoliths power' explains the teacher. Though I don't think that blew anyones mind. Would any of these kids grow up to be movie directors or composers? Fuck no. Most these kids will be kids will be mothers and fathers by the time they are 21.

Watching it now as an adult, its still dreadfully sssslow and the plot still feels confusing and discordant.

But as a film maker I get all that. And now I've come to love its idiosyncrasies.

However one cant watch this film in a vacuum. Reading various articles over the years has helped me understand this movie a whole lot better. But still, a few self explanatory scenes wouldnt have gone a miss surely. It bothered me when I was seven and it still bothers me now.

Like a quick shot of Daves pod entering the Star Gate thing.

Something like this :

After deactivating the Hal 9000, Dave discovers the mission directives.

He takes a pod out to investigate the giant monolith floating over Jupiter...

As Dave fly's over the monoliths surface, his pod becomes engulfed in arcing electricity and is pulled towards it.

Dave is somewhat concerned about all this.

The pod is pulled thru the star gate.

And there's nothin Dave can do about it.

It is quite likely that a lot of these scenes were never filmed or cut out. Or that they simply ran out of money and time and just had scrabble together what they had. I guess a lot of the ending was improvised with heavy editing.

Who knows.

The point is I was seven and largely understood the bulk of the movie but the ending kinda went off the rails due to a lack of quick A to B scenes. Had they just spent a little more time on these, the movie might have grabbed more laymen into the fold, rather than the higher echelons of movie academia.

But thats cinema folks.

Oppenheimer - review

 

Big Fat Dud ?

OPPENHEIMER 

AKA 

YAP-FEST 23

A little less talk and a little more action

My opinions will probably get me a stoning offence. But as a frustrated film maker, I look at such movies and just wish I could steer them in the right direction. But never mind. Here goes. 

Ask anyone, I hate giving bad reviews. Not that anyone cares. I hate critics that slam movies for being a breed apart, for going that extra mile, for being different. However Oppenheimer is not that movie. 

I couldn't believe I was actually duped by the idea that this film could be something worth my time. Afterall, an all star cast lead by the robust Cillian Murphy, Robert Downy Junior and Matt Damon, what could possibly go wrong? 

Well plenty it seems. And like the Emperors New Clothes, I suspect most critics will praise it for all sorts of academic reasons. 

But it simply didn't grab my attention. And heres why. 

TOO MUCH YAPPING. 

Don't get me wrong. I like a dialogue heavy film as much as the next movie buff. But sometimes you just want to be wowed by some gratuitous sex and a big explosion. And on the face of it, this movie has all that to offer. Altho, those sex scenes are kinda ruined by all that yapping. 

Put it this way, if you like nothing more than talking heads for three hours then this is your movie. Because that is pretty much what you'll get. 

LOUD YAPPING. Quiet Yapping. Frenzied Yapping. YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH type yapping. But as the audience, we're not really connecting with any of this. Oppenheimer yaps to this guy, then it cuts to Oppenheimer yapping to that guy. Then it cuts to Oppenheimer yapping with some girl. Then it cuts to Oppenheimer having sex with said girl and they're still yapping. Yap-yap-yap.  Jeeze. Get to the friken bomb already. 

And that is essentially this movie. Just a series of talking heads cut from one scene to another. And nothing much in between. Anything of interest (like showing us the bomb being built) is all quickly mulled over because Oppenheimer is suddenly at the centre of some McCarthy-ish witch hunt.  

And who's this movies primary audience anyway? Nuclear Physicists? Academics? Because it feels like a film that excludes a lot of useful exposition in favour of just getting to those talking heads. Of which this movie has in abundance. Literally. Its all Cinéma vérité American Style, cerebral, yap-yap-yap. Thats what movies have come to these days. I guess.  

TOO MANY CHARACTERS 

And who the hell are all these people anyways? There's just too many side characters. None of which are really given any real validity. Its like this movie has no focus. 

That said, Robert Downy Junior ingeniously plays the bad guy Strauss,  hell bent on taking  Oppenheimer down. But its all done in such a elongated fashion, with so much happening in between, that his intentions are seldom noticed by us, the audience until way too late. 

Its not like theres any mystery to Strauss. Its just not made clear either way why he hates Oppenheimer because every scene in this movie is riddled with too many characters who all want to be centre stage.

Even the goddam secretary wants her 15 minutes. By which point we've forgotten all about ole' Strauss and his evil plot to undermine Oppenheimer. 

Put it another way. In the Mozart film Amadeus, its perfectly obvious that Mozarts foil, the enigmatic Antonio Salieri (played by F Murry Abraham) is out to get him. A trick that Oppenheimer seems to have missed. 

Even with JFK (which also had a hell of a lot of side characters milling about), one could still keep up with the plot. 

RUNS LIKE A TRAILER 

If you've seen the trailer, you might think wow this movie looks awsum!  That is until you actually watch it and you realise that the entire movie is essentially edited just like said trailer. You could say it is a three hour long trailer. The longest movie trailer ever made. 

You know like when you watch movie trailers, theres those talking heads (again), and one guy says something profound to the other guy. Like:  'We gotta do this thing first before the Nazis do.'  

Then it cuts to something intense. A sex scene, a fight scene, whatever.  Shit like that. This is Oppenheimer in its entirety. 

But I guess thats Nolans approach to film making. It kinda worked with his Batman movies but as a serious bi-op based on real events, I think we as the audience need a more linear approach. 

NO BOMB

For a movie that is all about building the worlds first ever atomic bomb, very little interest is directed upon showing the actual bomb itself. Its all Oppenheimer. Hence the title. At least with similar war movies such as The Imitation Game that covers the life of code-breaker Alan Turing, we get a sense of the protagonist grappling with the technology, plugging things in, trying to get his machine to work. 

But Oppenheimer is pretty much Oppenheimer and very little else. 

A few shots of technicians building the bomb might have gone down nicely.  Surely thats a whole five minutes of tension? Handling those radio active blocks, like a deadly game of Tetris? 

But no. And I'm left there thinking,  Wheres the scenes of nervous tech guys covered in sweat, slowly, carefully putting the 'Demon Core'  together?  Despite later claiming the lives of two physicists, at no point is this ever mentioned or even alluded to. 

But we do get marbles. For every ounce of Uranium-235 that is mined and refined, Oppenheimer drops the equivalent of a marble into a large goldfish bowel. Its a neat way to illustrate the hassle to mine this stuff and it really works but the fact that we're kinda lacking the whole building the bomb thing, leaves the audience hanging. 

Nor are the stakes really justified. We get a couple of scenes with nervous scientists and Einstein, here and there and a brief run down by Oppenheimer to the General, that the bomb could possibly set the atmosphere on fire but never mind. 

DUD CLIMAX 

But worst of all is the actual bomb test itself. 

We've all been gearing up to this one moment kids, for a good two and half hours. 

I'm sitting there thinking, this better knock my fucking socks off. I mean its the worlds first ever test of an atomic bomb right? Which could potentially wipe out our entire planet and then some. It better be good.  

So they do the count down. A tech guy presses a big red button. And then pffffff.  Jesus what a dud. 

The screen is filled with a fireball. No sound. Its all for the sake of art of course, for dramatic effect. Like those moments you see in war movies when the chips are down and the bad guys are closing in. 

Like the end of I am Legend. Will Smith is trapped behind a glass door. The king of the infected football yobs is doing his dammdest to head-but his way inside. 

They always cut the sound.  You have to imagine the horror for yourself. I get it. Theres probably some movie term for it. Like 'neo-realist-interplay'.  Who knows.  Answers on a post card please. 

So the bomb goes off. And I'm expecting some spectacular CGI effect feast. What we get is probably one of the lamest explosions ever filmed. Sure It looks real enough. Like they actually got a bunch of TNT and let it all off. In fact thats precisely what they fucking did. And it jars with the expectation. 

What should be a godly explosion, striking fear and horror into the audience, is instead a rather run-of-the-mill bang that you might expect from a studio controlled pryo-tech effect. 

And thats all it is. A small looking explosion. A fireball yes, a mushroom cloud (sorta) but not the crazy wow I should receive for being stuck here for three fucking hours. I felt cheated. 

Thank god I didn't have to pay to see this movie. At least I can spend that money now on coke & hookers afterwards to recover. 

Talking of big bangs, take Indiana And the Temple of Chrystal Skulls. Remember the A-bomb scene at the beginning?  Basically any movie with an Atomic bomb going off is better than what I had to endure with Oppenheimer. I've seen better ka-booms in the A-Team and thats saying something. 

The decision to go for a real explosion was (in my humble opinion) a mistake. Director Christopher Nolan might have thought it was a cool idea at the time but it simply doesn't work in the context of the narrative. 

Its like watching Star Wars and Lucas changing the grand finale explosion of the Death Star to something a little more 'realistic' which would likely be quite boring.  

Take Camerons Titanic movie as another example. If the boat just 'sank' like it did in all the other movies, we'd never be lauding that film up as much we have. Ask any schmuck what was the most memorable scene in that movie and they will most likely say: 'When the boat broke in half.' 

In a few years, I doubt anyone will recall that about Oppenheimer. If they remember anything about it at all. 

ALL IN ALL 

So there you have it. My two-pence on this film. Its not a turkey by any rate. But it takes for granted that the audience are all on the same page. This might keep most film critics entertained but as for yours truly, I barely made it to the end without dozing off. But thats just me I guess. 

What would I change about this movie then? Actually I would change very little bar all the yapping. What this movie really lacked was simple memorable scenes. It needed more building the bomb stuff, tension around the Demon Core and basically a humungous explosion that would have put any Spielberg movie to shame. Oh well. Maybe next time. 

ANCIENT TECH PARADOX

 

The paradoxical problem of the older the tech, the more advanced?

ANCIENT TECH PARADOX 

The above image is part of an Inca Wall in ancient city of Coricancha Temple, Cusco, Peru, South America. A so-called example of polygonal masonry and skill made by chaps with primitive hammers and chisels apparently.

And this might very well be the case. However, most of our assumptions on such things, are via a Victorian /Edwardian perspective. As are the majority of books on such discoveries.

Bearing in mind this is not a door but a alcove maybe under five feet high. Those Victorian /Edwardian books will have us all believe these alcoves were display areas, containing wooden shelves and displaying ornate statues, made of gold etc.

But why go to so much trouble to make a alcove for such a mundane thing? And the horizontal grooves or slots for shelves look decidedly wonky and completely impracticable to receive a nice level shelf.

So I would suggest an ulterior motive. But one must first consider that we are perhaps not the only society of this planet to have achieved an highly advanced technological society of swipey-wipey stuff.

Consider too, that in a mere 300 years we have harnessed electricity to the point that we can now split the atom or watch Netflix. But at no point have we ever bothered to go to all the trouble of making alcoves with such intricacy beyond say biblical architecture. Not recently at least.

Thus, its entirely possible our ancient ancestors were far more advanced than we give them credit. Something those old dusty Victorian /Edwardian books would never consider. Advanced enough that they required generators and other machinery to power buildings and establish communications with other towns.

In that respect, such an alcove as this, might have housed some sort of electrical equipment. Note the large hole, originally a rectangle window or aperture, with several blocks missing below it. Possibly this is where an extraction fan protruded to allow air circulation.

Note too that the wonky grooves are reminiscent of trunking/ 'chasing' methods used in electrical installation, where by sections of wall are 'chased' out into channels, to receive power cables. Note also the equally spaced holes that frame the alcove, as if bolts or rivets were once fitted to receive a mounting frame to hold the machine in place.

And what sort of machine was it? Likely this was a central hub of some kind, anything from a transformer to Tele-visual communication point. Who knows. If it was a machine, it was the focal point for something. Much like our present day methods of centralising technology for a particular purpose to suit the needs of a community. Maybe it was just a ATM that spat out gold inca coins, or a terminal to buy plane tickets. Shit it could have been a snack vending machine for all I know.

But the point is, this alcove was designed for something slightly more important than mere shelving for gold statues anyway.

Which is probably what it ended up being used for in later centuries. Any trace of its electrical origins whittled away over the vast passing of time. All electrical devices contain metals of value and the contents of this particular alcove would have been stripped in the latter years in the wake of some social, or economic upheaval.

Note too the damage to the blocks, as if thieves, or scrap merchants had ripped out all the guts of the machine, damaging the stone work in the process. Its component parts recycled, melted down perhaps into more primitive weaponry (such as swords) to fight some war amid tribes, who had long forgotten their ancestral (and technologically advanced) roots.

All that said. Maybe it is just a stupid alcove for display purposes after all. But who knows, in these present times of civil unrest, with our society on the brink of nuclear annihilation, maybe you'll live long enough to see your old VHS tapes mistaken for godly deities by the post-apocalyptic baby boomers of the near future ...

Piss Artists Impression

GUNS AKIMBO

 

SHOULDA SPARED NIX :

GUNS AKIMBO 

They missed a trick here. 

They killed the golden goose laying golden eggs. 

Any potential sequels down the toilet unless somehow, they can miraculously bring back Nix. 

She had charisma. A character arc. And by the end of Guns Akimbo she sacrifices herself for the greater good.  

But the movie is let down by this narrative blunder. Because she's the gel holding it all together. And any future is wiped unless she's in it. 

DIRKY - LOST IN THE DESERT

 

THE DOGS THE STAR 

DIRKY - LOST IN THE DESERT 

Bored one night, I just happened to stumble across this gem on You Tube. I wasnt even looking for pets and suddenly there it was. 

A terrible print too, scratchy, old. And the acting is so-so. But there was something about it. I had the vague inclination from the thumbnail it was going to be something like Walk About. And I suppose I stuck with it for that premise. 

And I wasn't let down. 

But the real star of this movie, hands down - is the dog, Dolly. 

And that was the last thing I expected. Shit I was more worried about Dolly than the kid for sure. 

That kid coulda died in the desert, shrivelled and dried under the desert sun. But please SPARE THE DOG. Again I was not disappointed. 

In fact there are several times in the film when Dolly the dog was in peril and I was on the edge of my fucking seat. 

THE FERMI PARADOX

 

THE FERMI PARADOX : 

ARE WE REALLY ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE ? 

The Fermi Paradox refers to nuclear physicist Enrico Fermi, who postulated that we should have been contacted by aliens by now. And yet in the vastness of our galaxy and the likely hood of alien life, we have apparently seen zilch. Ergo. We are alone. End of story. Whats on Netflix? 

But one mans humble opinion cant sway everyone right? 

ZOO HYPOTHESIS 

Carl Sagen would have lost his cool with Fermi's paradox for sure. After all, it has more plot holes in it than Swiss cheese. 

And he wasn't the only one. Russian astronautics pioneer Konstantin Tsiolkovsky,  Neil deGrasse Tyson writer Arthur C Clarke, (even Gene Roddenbury of Star Trek) to name but a few, all agreed that the most likely reason we have not been visited by ET is because of the whole Zoo Hypotheses 

They're just waiting patiently for us to put our pointy sticks and hatreds aside. Only when mankind has learned to love one another will they decide to make contact. Or something like that. But that could take thousands of years. Or never. 

Also, we need to prove we can travel faster than light. Just like in Star Trek, the aliens might consider us beneath them if we haven't quite cracked interstellar travel. And only at that point will they possibly step in and guide us among the stars. 

Alternately they might just observe us from afar and single out certain individuals or governments when they felt the time was right. 

THEY'RE EXPERIMENTING ON US 

Former MIT Haystack Observatory scientist John Allen Ball went one step further and speculated on a laboratory hypotheses, where the aliens are using us as guinea-pigs to their own devious ends, treating the whole planet as a giant vivarium for study and experimentation. 

There seems to be a lot of traction with this thought, considering the amount of so called alien abductions that have occurred over the years. In which average everyday folk stated aliens had taken them to their space ships and probed them in every conceivable orifice. 

THEY JUST HAVEN'T NOTICED US YET 

It is quite possible that our Galaxy is teaming with intelligent life but being so utterly vast, it could be that any major governing aliens simply haven't seen us. Thus we're just a twinkle in the night sky and simply overlooked. 

After all, Space is big. I mean really big. Its also REALLY DARK. At best, we're just a blinking light in the sky to them and by the time our planet comes into view, it might already be hidden in the darkness of our own night time. 

If anything, the major space players would have mapped out our galaxy with only so much accuracy and probably only bother with other space-faring civilisations on an equal par with their own. 

JUST NOT WORTH THE SPACE FUEL 

They might just consider our star system pretty scarce of life anyway. I mean, at a glance, our sun has ten or so planets, which to them might be so much fuzz around a light bulb, shot out of a cannon and really worth investigating. 

Even if they do suspect our existence,  if you've seen one bi-ped, then you've seem them all. I mean, do you jump out of your car every time you see a fox or a squirrel? 

Plus the amount of fuel just to come check us out, might be pricey. Even if they have conquered interstellar travel, they'd have to be pretty desperate to come check us out in the back waters of the Milky Way suburbs. 

GOVERNMENT COVER-UP

A recent inquest into the UFO phenomenon descended into more bickering and scepticism. Simply because no hard evidence has surfaced, fuelling believers that governments are actually covering up the facts about extra-terrestrial life. 

And even if we have made first contact, our ruling governments would never admit it, because that would take away their power right? 

They would wana keep it all hush, to maintain the edge on new technologies and trade. Otherwise we'd all be investing heavily in space-tech and trading with other worlds. Think about it. The super powers would implode. 

A NEW ERA OF INTER-GALACTIC TRADE

The minute news broke of any country making First Contact, it would change EVERYTHING.  

Folks would be like: "Why the fuck am I stuck on this dumb ball? When I could be drinking Pina Coladas on some other exotic (and warm) planet, where they don't bomb the shit out of each other every day?"  

Screw Elon Musk. Competing companies would begin hiring any and EVERYONE, if it meant accessible trade with another world. What corporation wouldn't, once communication with other worlds had been established. After all, everyone wants something right? Even Aliens. 

You'd see a boom in the most unlikely places. Imagine McDonalds investing in the space program? Just to sell McDonalds Cheeseburgers to other worlds? 

The aliens might be partial to dog food. Imagine the boom in trade! They might love Kittens as pets or collect Antique furniture. Imagine intergalactic carboot sales.  

On a more darker note, they might be sex-obsessed maniacs wanting our women and children. Worst still, they might even take over the Earth.  But thems the breaks. After all. The aliens cant be much worse than our own race. To say we have lived without death and atrocity denies the reality that aliens might be just as bad (or good) as us. 

FEAR OF INVASION 

Writer HG Wells explored the possibility of alien invasion in his 1898 Novel The War Of the Worlds in which invading Martians land in England and quickly overpower us with heat rays, alien mustard gas and bio-mechanoid tripod war machines. 

But Wells saw it not so much as a cautionary tale of alien interference but more of a lesson in British Colonialism, under which a great portion of our world had succumbed to and not necessarily enjoyed the fruits of either. 

His invading Martians were a metaphor for colonial greed and his book, a finger wagging exercise on how would you like it done to you? 

After all, between 1578 and 1945, the British Empire had subjugated much of planet Earth. That might sound like a sci-fi novel in itself but it was true. 

This of course lead to countless wars, slavery and endless religious debacle. In the wake of the Second World War and the Axis Powers defeated, the USA emerged top dog and took on the mantle of a world dominant super power, second only to Russia. But since then, the legacy of colonialism and endless war has left its indelible mark on our world.  

WE'RE JUST TOO VIOLENT, SORRY  

Our list of atrocities reads like a 1980's phone book. Any intelligent peace-loving alien with access to our internet would give us a pass. 

The situation within the present Israeli–Palestinian conflict, coupled with the war in the Ukraine could quite easily spill us over into yet another world war. And in a nutshell, behind all the mysticism, false gods and spin, these hostilities stem from simple greed, for more land and resources. 

So, looking at this pale blue dot from afar, using technologies greater than our own, I think ole ET would give us a wide berth. 

Either way, we're way too dangerous to be considered 'civilised' by intelligent space faring aliens. Imagine Hamas (or any us) getting hold of advanced alien weapons? Its bad enough that we have nukes.

WE'RE JUST ASSHOLES 

Thus considering we're barely out of the stone age, verging on World War III, how would any sane alien tackle the whole First Contact thing anyway? Land and say hi? No way! They'd be avoiding us, like a dodgy part of town, where theres lots of crime. 

And who's to say they didn't land already and faced a welcoming committee straight out of a horror movie like Hostel? 

It happens all the time with back-packers right? Kids go off on a country-jaunt and end up as someones lab rat experiment. Would our governments be any different? 

Fuck these assholes. I'm outta here. 

ARE WE REALLY ALL ALONE? 

All we really know is that our governments have not been terribly forthcoming with the general public regarding UFO's and life on other planets, creating conspiracy theories on what is behind their motives.  

But if true, their reasons are as stated above, to hog information, technology and keep us all working in dumb-ass jobs 9 to 5 and 24/7. Or simply because they fear invasion.  

In any event, it boils down to two very simple outcomes. There are aliens or we are totally alone. And Im sure someone said that the possibility of either, is equally terrifying. 

THOSE DAMN ENCHILADAS: FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 5

THOSE DAMN ENCHILADAS

FRIDAY THE 13th PART 5 

WHAT WENT WRONG? 

Friday the 13th Part 5: A new Beginning.  What the hell happened?  

It was like this sequel took a massive u-turn and like Halloween 3, essentially cheated the audience with smoke and mirrors by denying us the promise of the premise. 

Back in the days of VHS, my introduction to the Friday universe, was  Part 6: Jason Lives which really blew me away. Excited by the realisation that there were FIVE  previous Friday the 13th movies out there, I got a watchin, culminating with Part 5.  But it became a strange journey of evolution, as the film producers struggled to keep up with the ever changing cinematic landscape.  

PRE-ZOMBIE JASON 

After seeing part six, I was hungry for more zombie Jason. But this was still early days, part 7 The new Blood was still in production. Meanwhile, I began ploughing thru the previous five Friday the 13th sequels waiting for Jason to turn full zombie. It was a bit of chore I must admit.  

I guess it was because these sequels seemed so different to Jason Lives in terms of style and pacing and the humour was pretty scarce. That and the fact Jason was still essentially human. 

He was like some mongoloid kid who lost the plot. It felt pretty weird. Meanwhile Jasons not getting any more zombie like and if anything sequels 2, 3 and 4 are like  Sloth  from The Goonies had gone on a killer rampage. 

So it took me a while to get into them. 

However,  part four featured a young Tommy Jarvis (played by Corey Feldman) and this movie in particular, gave me hope, that events would finally lead to part six and thus got me hot for more Friday the 13th, under the vague promise of seeing some pre Jason Lives killer zombie action. 

IT WAS ONLY A DREAM

So I was rather looking forward to seeing Part 5: A New Beginning and seeing Jason finally in killer zombie mode.  And for the first few opening minutes I wasn't disappointed. Corey Feldman was back blundering around in the woods, witnessing a couple of country yokel hicks dig up Jasons grave. I'm like wow this is awsum. Sheeting rain, thunder and Corey. Its great.  

Jason comes to life and he looks suitably gross. He kills the yokels and climbs out of his grave, looming over the young terrified boy, brandishing his trademark machete. Its all fantastic stuff. Then pffffff.

It was just a stupid dream folks. Cut to several years later and Coreys out the picture entirely along with Zombie Jason. Then it just sorta meandered around that clinic with fake jason hiding in the shadows, picking kids off one by one. Sorry? What? Is that it?   

I then had to sit thru lots of stupid recycled creepy POV's of couples canoodling to sinister music, shots of fake Jasons feet / hands and  Its like jesus, come on! We've had like three sequels of this already, we know what the guy looks like ok?   

Ironically, those dream bits (with real Jason) were the best bits of this entire movie. And maybe that should have been the film? After all, thats what the public really wanted. 

DAM ENCHILADAS

Thats right, its them damn enchiladas from here on in. 

In fact, I kinda liked the enchiladas scene, its upbeat and the actors did a great job. Besides the dream sequence, its really the only other memorable scene. So much so, that they even sold those dam enchiladas as Friday The 13th merchandise. Apparently. 

TOO MUCH LIKE A PORNO 

Warning this movie contains tits. LOTS.  I've never seen so many. Is this a horror film or a porno? The lines really got blurred.  It was like watching Porky's. Not that I'm averse to that. But if I wanted to watch a porno, I would have hired out Debbie Does Dallas. 

If memory serves, the films director specialised in porn, so no surprise there.  Bring it on baby. 

SCOOBY DOO ENDING 

Worst still, Part 5 runs pretty much like a Scooby doo caper. And we all know that none of the supernatural monsters in Scooby were ever real. They were just unscrupulous penny-pinching con-artists wearing monster masks. The Scooby gang always got the bad guys arrested, and they invariably always removed a mask to reveal the skulking criminal beneath. So the end of part 5 kinda sucked for this reason.  

The paramedic was Jason all along kids!  In a way, I was kinda relieved. Because it meant that the real Jason was still rotting in a grave since Part four and would finally come back in part six.  Which meant that A New Beginning was a waste of my time basically. I kinda felt cheated.  

DEVOLUTION 

Yep this film is a little undercooked.  It hadn't evolved, in the way its predecessors had. 

It just repeated movies 1-4, added some porn shots, enchiladas and went off the rails.  In fact, if anything, it had devolved.  

At least in parts 1-4 we see a clear line of evolution with the character. Its not Shakespeare or anything, but as the viewer we get a sense of his roots, starting with his drowning in Chrystal Lake, his vengeful mother and culminating in Jason picking up the family heirloom machete so to speak. 

SUPERNATURAL MONSTERS 

But by the mid-80's, fickle tastes quickly got bored of slasher content, audiences wanted more. The whole crazy guy in a mask theme, was getting old. In the wake of "A nightmare on Elm St", audiences now lent more towards the supernatural. They wanted something along the lines of the old universal horror movies but without the cheese. 

They wanted Leather-Face and Freddy, Chucky and Candy Man. So Jason had to tow the line. 

If the Friday the 13th franchise had any future, it would inevitably have to adapt with the times. Its main star, Jason had to go full zombie, sooner or later. So imagine my frustration when I had to sit thru five sequels waiting for this to magically happen. 

Part one didn't even have Jason, his mother did all the killing. Part two he ran around with a sack cloth on his head. Part three, we start to see the iconic hockey Mask introduced and by part four (the supposed final chapter) I was finally starting to see a pattern. Jason was evolving. 

MONSTER PROGENITOR 

And what kick-started this slasher trend? Why Halloween of course. But the genius of that film is that the killer (Michael Myers) wasn’t just some hack in a mask.

He was compelled by evil forces, making him invincible. Which is why that character was so intriguing.

Friday the 13th Part 5 however, didn't say anything new. But its dream sequences are what its best remembered for (that and them damn enchiladas). And that’s what the film should have been (no not them damn enchiladas) but Zombie Jason rising from the grave and creating merry hell. 

Hence, I think this is the reason "Part 6: Jason Lives" became so popular because Jason had finally evolved into a unstoppable zombie, joining that unholy congregation of progenitors featuring Freddy Kruger and Michael Myers.

 As for part five, you can keep them damn enchiladas.