THE SUBSTANCE

Either love it or hate it.

THE

SUBSTANCE

Keeping the flames of Body Horror alive. 

The subject of Body Horror is a difficult notion for some. Its like a marmite thing. You either love it or hate it. But regardless of its critics, the genre keeps turning out something fresh. 

Enter The Substance: the latest in the long line of Body Horror movies, taking on the marmite mantle and upholding a squeamish tradition prevalent in movie history. So lets recap a little on the genre, and round off with Demi Moore. 

Of course the body horror genre does spill over into slasher movies and so on but lets just focus on the main highlights that made the genre what it is today. 

FRANKENSTEIN 

Aka: The Modern Prometheus (1818) By Mary Shelly. A mad scientist, stitching cadavers together, creating a hideous monster that wreaks revenge upon him for being rejected by society.

But Shelly never got as gruesome as her later movie interpretations and seldom even explained much in the way of details. 

For her it was more about feelings and actions. Societal norms not being adhered to. Kinda like Jane Austin but with a monster in its midst. 

Later interpretations of her monster, although certainly horrific, were seldom the focus of body horror itself. But Shelly got the ball rolling none the less. 

METAMORPHOSIS 

Another notable entry was The Metamorphosis (1915) - a novella by Franz Kafka which regards a travelling salesman who wakes up one morning to find his body has turned into a giant cockroach. 

All this becomes quite a problem for his family, reliant on his income. 

Here we can see the beginnings of body-transmutation in motion, of people reluctantly becoming something else. 

THE QUATERMASS EXPERIMENT 

With the advent of television, The Quatermass Tv series of 1953 is where we really start to see things take an ugly turn.  It could also be argued as the genesis of all Body Horror antics. 

But Shelly and Kafka might have something to say about that. But whatever. 

Of particular note is the movie remake, The Quatermass Experiment (1955). 

Now this is where the genre became prevalent for actual bodily mutation: In which Nigel Neals mutating astronaut, (returning from space) has a penchant for absorbing cactus plants and human flesh.  

We see various scenes of devolution occur, including a memorable scene where the astronauts arm is mutated beyond recognition and covered in cactus spines. 

The grand final, regards said astronaut evading police capture, finally cornered in Westminster Abby, by which time he has mutated into a giant octopus, that threatens the world with its deadly spores. 

INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN 

Following this, came The Incredible Melting Man (1977). So bad it was good. 

Again an astronaut (called Steve) is infected, this time by solar flares and awakens back on Earth, with extreme sunburn and a thirst for blood. 

After chasing a fat nurse down a corridor, (in spectacular slow-mo fashion), Steve goes on a killer rampage, while various parts of his body melt and fall off, like so much melted pepperoni pizza. 

The absolute epitome of Body Horror ensues, as the Incredible Melting Man eats his way through the country side, terrorises the locals and eventually melts into a liquified puddle of puss and bloody goop, that ends up in a factory bin.

BODY SNATCHERS

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) is another notable entry into the genre.

A remake of the 1950s film of the same name. But the original  leant heavily on communist concerns, while neglecting how seed-pods become people-pods. 

However the remake goes all out with bodily transformations in great detail, showing how sleep enables the pods to grow pod-people. Theres even a mutated dog with a humans face. 

Amid its memorable cast, includes Star Treks Mr Spock (Leonard Nimoy) as the perfect pod-person. What more could you ask for?     

ALIEN 

Alien (1979)  With its sex-mad face-hugging spiders covered with unsettling human skin and long fingers, while ejaculating eggs into its human host. 

It all leads to that unforgettable and macabre dinner scene and beyond. 

To achieve the ultimate in Alien Body Horror, Director Ridley Scott utilised artist HR Giger's nightmarish bio-mechanical paintings to create his monster, to which Giger won an Oscar. 

By the 1980s the genre really started to ramp it up to full-on Body Horror as we know it today. 

THE THING

The Thing was originally based on the short story: Who Goes There? a 1938 novella by John W. Campbell, under his pen name Don A. Stuart. 

A movie version was made in the 1950s but was more like Frankenstein at the North Pole than the creature of the novella. 

But that all changed with John Carpenters The Thing (1982) taking Body Horror  to a whole new level, honouring the novellas gene-splicing monster that could imitate any creature. 

Bad news for a small group of scientists stranded in Antarctica, when The Thing comes a knockin.

Soon trust is out the window. Paranoia is rife and the only thing left to do is prod blood samples of each member with a hot wire, to work out who is the thing. 

Of course this just makes everything worse. 

Special FX wise, you'll be in for a treat. No CGI here, just plain ole practical effects and artist ingenuity. 

THE FLY 

And lets not forget David Cronenberg's remake of The Fly. (1986), considered a classic Body Horror creep fest. 

In which Scientist Dr Seth Brundle's various experiments in teleportation, soon go awry when his tele-pod inadvertently blends his genes with that of an wondering fly.

The results being bad news for Dr Brundle, as his body gradually mutates and bits fall off him. Such as his ear and his skin and well, everything basically. 

A sort of phoenix from the flesh kinda deal ensues, as the mutated "Brundle Fly" emerges from the good doctors old and diseased body.  

Cronenberg dabbled with these flesh themes several times, including Shivers, Rabid, Scanners and Video Drome - becoming a director synonymous with Body Horror as we know it today. 

HELLRAISER 

No Body Horror list would be complete without mentioning Clive Barkers horror fest Hellraiser (1987). 

With its sadomasochistic Cenobite creatures and cringeworthy re-animated hellbound corpses, Barker makes our skin crawl with every fish hook tugging at our flesh .  

THE BORG 

Body Horror has also dabbled with unifying flesh with metal. An idea built upon HR Gigers bio-mechanics.

This resulted in The Borg featured in Star Trek the Next Generation, which blended machine and man in horrible ways, creating a race of cyborg zombies. 

Echoes of the Cybermen from Dr Who are prevalent but The Borg seem far more insidious and horrifying in their corruption of all things human. 

TETSUO

Following The Borge came the art film Tetsuo: The Iron Man 1989 directed, written, produced, and edited by Shinya Tsukamoto. 

A Japanese art house sci-fi Body Horror fest that touches upon metal fetishes.

SOCIETY 

Take the film Society (1989), another Body Horror film but this time coupled with social commentary, concentrating on Beverly Hills, with its nightmarish flesh orgies held by the social elites.  

It was produced by Brian Yuzna, who made a spate of Body Horror movies including Re-Animator (1985) and From Beyond (1986). 

HUMAN CENTIPEDE 

The Human Centipede  (2009) written and directed by Dutch indy film maker by Tom Six.

To be honest I was kinda hoping for something more like The Fly. 

Instead we got three tourists kidnapped and sewn to each others assholes. 

Why I watched this movie I don't know. It was like watching a car wreck that you couldn't look away from. 

VIDEO NASTIES 

Back in the day, such movies were lambasted  as 'video nasties'. This was the 1980's. A time before Dvds, Blue Rays and Netflix. There wasn't even the internet. All people had was VHS home video tapes, to record and play back their favourite movies off the Tv.

That or rent them  from a local video rental store. Big business at the time. But it also gave way to the term video nasties, when it came to slasher movies and Body Horror. 

Years later these films became cult classics. Which Im sure The Substance will also become.

THE SUBSTANCE 

Which brings us all neatly back to the whole point of this rant. 

Thankyou for listening, and please leave your seats in the upright position. 

Its like American Psycho and The Fly had a love child and set it loose in the flaming Hollywood Hills. 

The Substance takes all the above inspirations and makes something new. Turning old tried and tested tropes on their heads and mashing them into a mangled mush of creative pizza. Which I guess sounds disgusting. But thats the genre folks. 

NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED 

BE WARNED ! The Substance its not for the faint-hearted. Body Horror is often an acquired taste and a certain appreciation for special FX is a must!  

But if you like Body Horror, then you'll love The Substance. It utilises all the above examples. 

JEKYLL & HYDE

The Substance is also a great re-imagining on the whole Jekyll and Hyde trope. And takes it in a rather twisted direction. The usual choke on the ole potion and transformation effect is given a literal facelift in every sense of the word.

Echoes of The Thing occur as Demi's back splits open and a young woman falls out. But this also echoes The Body Snatchers as well, with her old body being disregarded. However not quite. For young Demi cant live without old Demi and milks her unconscious body of the elixir it now produces.

The trade off being young Demi must sleep for a week giving old Demi time to recuperate and make more elixir. But soon young Demi wants more hours. Upsetting the whole delicate balance.

NOT ENOUGH DEMIS

My only problem with this movie as a whole, was that Demi Moore should have played both the old and younger versions of herself, as the film kinda contradicted itself by using a young sexy actress, who didn't actually look anything like Demi but its a movie so who cares.

Plus a young Demi Moore could easily be done these days with deep fake & CGI etc. Just look at the latest Indiana Jones movie. Or any deep fake stuff on you tube, such as Tom Cruise prancing round an office.

All in all, Margaret Qualley as great as she is, adds little to the screen other than being young and sexy. But I guess thats what she's supposed to be. The antithesis of Old Demi, being well, just old. 

Had the producers gone the other direction and had two Demis, we might have had the ultimate in Body Horror. Alas. You cant have everything. 

But thats Hollywood folks. 

SOCIAL COMMENTARY

Still, like it or not, this movie is a fantastic commentary on Hollywoods obsession with youth and profit, realised via its insane characters. 

With Hollywood literally up in flames, The Substance can safely prod fun at the movie moguls of old that made many an actors life hell. 

Above all, this is a film about redundancy and anguish. About the young replacing the old. And how that feels. 

Its not an new idea in itself. Plenty of movies touch upon social redundancy, and age prejudices. But few go the whole hog of taking the issue by the horns and wrestling it into a two hour long Body Horror movie. 

In that respect,  The Substance triumphs in relaying that message, while at the same time, making pagodas of us all.  

DENNIS QUAID 

And Dennis Quaid in particular, is quite unsettling and hilarious as the epitome of that Hollywood Dinosaur sleaze mentality and summarises up the Harvey Weinstein's of the old world perfectly.

For example, our first introduction to his character is taking a piss in the john, with his head distorted in the camera lens as he rants on the phone. 

The distortion of his head leaning into the camera, is like viewing him via a spy hole, suggestive of voyeurism, like we the viewer are literally on the other side of that toilet wall, looking in.  

The lens distortion also makes him look parrot-like, accentuating his ugly character to the hilt. Straight off the bat, we are made to feel uncomfortable by his presence.

DEMI MOORE

Demi Moore's performance is also outstanding. Covering a whole range of emotions. From burned out actress in tears, to old hag, raging jealousy over her younger selfs success. 

Yet I cant even remember the last time I saw her in a movie. Must have been GI Jo or Ghost but it was twenty years ago.  

Suddenly she's in this movie. And its like wow! Its Demi Moore! Doing Body Horror!  

But hats off. She really steals the show. And she should get a friken Oscar for it.  Hell Dennis too. 

But alas, at this years Oscar award ceremony, Demi lost out to younger actress Mikey Madison.   

Oh how life imitates art.  And after all that hard work she put in too. 

Still, perhaps it was a little ambitious to get an Oscar for a role in a genre that tends to be side-boarded as video nasty material. 

Never the less, years from now, who's even gonna remember who won the best actress  award of 2025? NOBODY. 

But you can bet your melting ass, that everyone will remember Demi Moores remarkable portrayal in The Substance. 

THE L.A. FIRES

 DANTES INFERNO:

BEVERLY HILLS 911-101- 451

ARE THE L.A. FIRES ARSON OR ACT OF GOD ?

By now you might be aware that Los Angeles faces its biggest wild-fires in living memory. Great swathes of city blocks raised to the ground. Mansions and hotels, local businesses, schools and community centres, homes. All wiped out of existence by raging fire-storms driven by extreme winds.

With a city such as L.A. boasting an average of 263 sunny days per year, perhaps it was a disaster waiting to happen. Particularly given the dry tinder-box conditions of California, in general, where temperatures can reach up to 68 degrees Fahrenheit. That might not sound like a lot but in Britain that is the average room temperature in any domestic home. That’s basically 20 degrees Celsius.

But in Britain, temperatures fluctuate to minus zero degrees Celsius to an average of 20 degrees Celsius, coupled with our good old consistent British rain.

However, L.A. is classed as borderline Mediterranean because of dry weather almost all year round, with little rain coverage, making forests and grasslands susceptible to wild-fires. The most if ever rains in LA is like five days in February.

WATER SHORTAGES

Such bone-dry conditions are asking for trouble. Particularly when fire hydrants are empty and city reservoirs are filled to the bare minimum.

One of the worst affected areas is the Palisades area where 2,900 acres have been scorched out of existence, due to fire hydrants failing after three tanks (each holding a million gallons of water) went dry within a span of 12 hours.

Yet there are three reservoirs in the Palisades area alone, each holding 1,000,000 gallons of water. But somewhere along the line, that water wasn’t reaching the fire hydrants. And why is that?

ARSON ?

Reports now emerge that the Palisades fires were given a helping hand by an arsonist, apprehended Thursday by locals, when he was caught torching the area with a flame thrower !

This opens a whole new can of worms. Were there more arsonists at play here? And to what end were their plans? Is this an act of terrorism? Possibly.

In any event, its quite possible that L.A. has fallen fowl of a perfect storm of miss-adventure, as we shall see...

AI vs HOLLYWOOD

Hollywood itself has always been associated with making movies. It’s basically the epicentre of all things movie-like. Anyone who wants to be anyone, must do a stint there, even if it’s just a bit-part. The allure of fame and riches is all consuming.

But any way you look at it, Tinsel town is in trouble. With the advent of Artificial Intelligence (A.I.) and Computer Generated Images (CGI), one only has to scroll Facebook or You Tube to see any high-end special FX movie scene, using only AI prompts by some kid with an I-phone.

These are utterly convincing and far cheaper than anything that Hollywood could ever hope to offer.

So it’s only a matter of time before AI makes entire movies to order. One day soon, you’ll slouch on your sofa and ask Alexa to conjure up an entire action-packed movie, with you, or your friends and family as its stars. Imagine your Grandmother as the Terminator or your Dad as Willy Wonker. That is the future.

Thus by the end of this decade, Hollywood as we know it, will cease to exist as a film industry. 

And that will spell certain doom for the rich and famous that live in its opulent quarters, to the many corrupt movie magnates sleeping with little girls for kicks.

And that must make certain rich celebs nervous.

But what has this to do with the L.A. fires?

COVER UPS

We’ve all heard about the Hollywood drug and paedophilia rings. The L.A. fires could also be a rather convenient way of disposing of any evidence that might lead to the conviction of anyone associated with the cities darker aspects.

In the wake of Ricky Gervais roasting celebs at the Oscars and the Harvey Weinstein scandal, whistle-blowers such as actor Corey Fieldman are coming out thick and fast.

High profile celebs have been put under scrutiny. Regardless of innocence. From Steven Spielberg to Mother Teresa.

What easier than to just burn up the evidence? Much like the Nazis burning all the paper-work to do with the death-camps. 

But the trick is to make it look like a lone crazy man. With whole neighbourhoods now evacuated, looting is now abundant.

Just pay off some hard-up Q’anon fruitcake, arm him with a flame-thrower and tell him to burn Hollywood for a million bucks. Simples.

Meanwhile, vital stores of information, such as libraries, banks and computer servers have been destroyed. Paper trails and police cases dealing with corruption and paedophilia likely erased.

INSURANCE SCAMS

The L.A. fires also make it all rather convenient for insurance fraud. Insurance companies get bailed out by Government, by taxing the average Joe Blogs. Insurance premiums then sky-rocket and insurance companies make a lucrative profit.

Not to mention shrewd real-estate agents who will just move in and take over.

It’s easy money for those in the know. I’m talking about your average everyday psychopaths in suits. The types that never get their own hands dirty. They just get everyone else to do the hard work.

CORRUPTION

All the above simply feeds into the never ending cycle of corruption in our society. Hollywood as a movie centre no longer matters. All that matters is making a load of money out of yet another disaster.

Meanwhile city officials seem unable to get these fires put out. Hmm. Very suspect.

This is a sign of our times. It’s easy to blame global warming and inept politicians.

But there’s nothing like chaos to enable evil men to play. Which is why World Wars and global pandemics mean good business to unscrupulous individuals, ready to cash-in on disaster. These are the very real James Bond megalomaniacs bent on world domination. 

Putin is a prime example. Other players are less obvious in the public eye but more destructive to democracy and freedom, such as the Rothschilds.

NO MORE HEROES

And the worst thing about it all is there are no real actual 007 super-spy heroes to keep these assholes in check. No Rambo to kick the bad guys asses, no amateur detective sleuths or Supermen, to bring our most heinous criminals to justice.

And the bad guys know this. And continue wrecking the world. The only world we got by the way.

The best we got to counter crime, is a failing police force and our crumbling judicial system, rife with corruption, where a few good men and women, working long hours, turn the wheels and keep things afloat.

But fear not. All is not lost. There are others who also make a difference. They work in our local shops and local offices. They work in the NHS and our Tax departments. They play musical instruments and create great works of art. They love animals and campaign for a better world.

They work in our schools and raise children, teaching them right from wrong. They don’t wear capes and they certainly don’t run around with flame-throwers. I’m talking about people like yourself.

And that can make all the difference folks, between heaven and hell.

THE FUTURE 

Ultimately once the L.A. fires have done their worst, when the Hollywood sign itself is mere cinders and the miracle rains finally come, there will be an token enquiry.

An inquisition perhaps, aimed at political incompetence. Perhaps Mayor Governor Gavin Newsom will pin it on various cut-backs, footing the blame on a crumbling infrastructure unable to cope with such an obvious disaster, in the face of global warming. 

An Act of God, he will say. We just need more money. Your money basically. 

And when its all done and dusted, you the tax payer, will foot the bill.